peace is the way to live.

Siti Noorashikin MNH Temasek Polytechnic Design student

Turned 18 on July forth and yes, for all the cool kids like me, that makes me part of the crab family.
Crappy crab who's quite random, not as simple as others if you think she is, loves strumming her Blackie and hanging quality time with her cool Nikky.
Bad organisation drives me absolutely nuts along with people who steal. Sushi and chocolate pocky create snow angles in my mind. I can be ambiguous thus I can give you lots of various meanings to everything cause life is full of uncertainty at every corner and uncertainty really is horrendous. Don't you think?
So peace, love and live.

Creativity is the key and inspirations will help me to go on by.
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close buddies
till the end
Farhana
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Fadhly
Germaine
Julihaniza
Norashimah
Nur'Aida Purwanti
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EVD'09
Amirah
Ayuuuu
Flinda
Nisa
Hazel
Jaden
Khairee
Madeline
Mira
Pravin
Sarah
Star

December 2008
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I don't really know who really reads my entries and stuff on this site of mine but if you do and you stubble upon this little note before leaving doodlingredness I just want to shout out to you and say love you for reading!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

To tell the world honestly, I knew everything already. From A to Z and from 1 to a whole lot of numbers about the left-out feelings that you had to the you-already-had-a-job issue. Really, I knew. I somehow really got that “connection” that my mind was getting through yours. I really knew that you were thinking something on that very day but I thought after that day, you were fine but I guess what I thought was wrong.

On that day, I told Julihaniza to go with me to find a group because I assumed that you and Atiqah will team up but then Atiqah grabbed my hands. So there I stood beside her. Then I asked, how about Farhana. (Hmm, see, I didn’t forget about you. I never will ever forget about any of my friends.) As I remembered, Atiqah grabbed your hands or at least she told you to just join us but somehow you just stayed there. Well, I know we had to be in pairs so maybe that’s the reason why you stayed.

After we got back, I noticed something weird. Like seriously, I noticed. If you remembered, I didn’t ask you which group you were in because maybe I felt guilty. So here you go my sincere apology for doing so, yeah I am sorry if you felt alone and I really didn’t mean to do what I did. Thought you felt better after we watched the videos of various tribes because you laughed, but I thought wrong, I guess. To be frank, even though I thought you were ok, I still had feelings that your mind isn’t at rest. As you remembered, I can also read minds too. ((:

I will not babble about the event now as it had already happened and it was a few days back plus I can’t simply turn back the whole event. I am not saying that you are wrong and I am right, or vice versa. I am just typing out what I have to say. I am not pointing fingers or what-so-ever aites.

To tell you honestly, I thought you were ok and that you were not feeling too lonely as simply you did mixed around where as Hanis did not. She was always at the back of the group, always. She didn’t mix around like you did so we became worried and maybe that’s why we were forgetting a little about you (as what you said). You were never at the back as you were always beside or near us all. So maybe I got mixed signs of whether you were ok or your mind is not at rest.

Well, I am sorry that I didn’t ask you how you felt as maybe I am not like your sweet sweetest friend Nadia. I am not as caring like her because the way I show care and concern towards someone maybe is just way different from the way Nadia do. So I guess I am sorry that I am not like her, I am nothing like her, I am not her. This is sincere and not sarcastic, like seriously. I am also not saying that she's bad or something like that, you can continue being friends with her, I really don't mind.

I was shocked that you said such things. Really I was, because I didn’t think you could ever say something like that. But maybe it’s right as that’s just the honest way you felt deep down. So you don’t have to apologise even if you are really being just nice. I am not mad at you, I am just geram and in my dictionary geram and mad have two diffirent (way-off) meanings.

Hmm, before you wrote this on your blog, I was already wondering and thinking about friendships. Really I was. I was viewing people’s Friendster and stuffs and I looked at their pictures they had with their friends. One of the people was Azizah, she had new close friends I assumed and it made me feel down, way way way down. It also got me thinking and wondering, are we going to be different when we reach the next level? So after thinking and wondering and more thinking and wondering, I sms-ed everyone, the five-s that is. For the first time I wanted to waste my bill and I don’t care about it, about saving.

Yeah, I got scared thinking about friendship and after reading your post I was even scared-er. So that's why I didn't so-called talk/chat/sms you. I need time to let my mind calm down from the too-much-thinking-and-wondering. I wasn't mad/angry at you. You had your rights so I guess, I understand. If you know that I almost teared up reading it, well as I said, I was just scared nothing more. I 100% understand that you’re pissed so don’t have to apologise about that, I really understand.

About you working, well, it's fine with me. From the start, I did had feelings that your're going to get a job, not with us (cool eh, aku dapat sense this). I am not mad/angry at you. Hidayah and Atiqah are also working, so I guess it's just not the time/fate for me to work. Maybe Hanis will be getting hers too. So it's ok. I'll be fine.

Well, if you really felt hurt during the red camp event, I am very sorry. It wasn't your fault. So I guess, you don't have to apologise for this. I didn't deny, I'm not confused and I know exactly what your're talking about cause as I told you, before you post it, I already had sensed it. So, maybe I should change the way I show care and concerns towards people. I guess, I should make it a little more obvious. One final thing, don't ever say that you don't belong.

♥2:45 PM